Domino
by McGonagall's Bola
Summary: Lily considers how the dominos of her life have fallen. Lily/Rick


It had been just another, depressing morning like many others before since I had discovered and accepted what Jake had been doing with other women. I had woken not wanting to drag myself from bed again, and I'm quite sure that had it all not been for my beloved daughters, my two shining lights, and the fact that I knew I couldn't be selfish and let them down but needed to be there for them instead, I would have stayed in bed, possibly even all day.

It had been a while since I really had enjoyed something. Judy kept telling me it would 'get better'. I, myself, had always thought and said that when other people got divorced or when my daughters struggled with something I couldn't quite give them advice on or help with. However, when my marriage ended and Jake and I couldn't really seemed to find even footing, and I still felt as torn apart as I had after half a year, I realized how… hollow those words were, said when one had no clue on what else to say at all.

Mainly my daughters pulled me through those tough months, my love for those two and the knowledge that they still loved me in return, even when it had been my call to end the marriage with their father, that truly kept me going for so long and stopped me from succumbing to the vestiges of misery that I felt pulling at my heartstrings. I was especially prone to those feelings at night when Grace and Zoë were asleep, when I sat watching the television alone, a throw haphazardly across my legs and still feeling icy cold. Jake hadn't been home very often, that wasn't in fact it, especially not when the end of our marriage came in sight, and it wasn't that he had been the doting husband I had once believed he could be, who was perfectly content holding me, not really caring what was on as long as I was at peace and happy. He had never been that man. Still, somehow, I had never, in my entire life, felt more alone and abandoned.

I reckon the confrontation with the happy marriages made it even worse and was part of the reason why I couldn't just 'overcome it' and 'get myself back together'. In hindsight, I suspect that the reason was because I couldn't bear being really alone, or lonely, for both meant the same to me then. I married young and had always had someone beside me, if not physically so, at least in theory. I had only little experience, if any, in managing alone all that Jake and I had somehow done together until that point.

Jake and mine's disaster marriage surely made me more skeptical. I often wondered whether the 'happy couples' were truly happy or just acting like I had done myself for so long. I had learned that people could hide the truth very well if they really tried. I had been one of those, until I couldn't any longer. So while I did know that a lot of those couples I saw might have a tough time at home that people didn't know of, at least they still had the strength left to hide it and act unlike it. It wasn't that bad that they really couldn't anymore, like I hadn't been able to make myself or let alone others believe I could still live with Jake after his escapades anymore. I loved him, sure, but I didn't trust him –– not anymore. I didn't feel safe with him anymore, and that was that I had always been looking for.

Then Rick caught my attention –– a face I had never seen there before among the others'. That wasn't really so strange maybe, though, given how many moms and dads and pupils flooded past the school each morning. There was something about him in that moment in time that caught me and held my attention, even if until this very day I still can't say what it was. Maybe it was the way his gaze held mine when he looked back at me and caused a jolt of electricity to flow through my body as he caught me gazing at him and I him gazing in my direction, too.

I find it rather crazy to know that it was Grace's little fall on the pitch that indirectly somehow caused me to see him once more –– given how especially Grace initially was opposed to Rick, I find it rather ironical, looking back on it now. Now I can remember it with a smile, whereas in those times, I was too busy trying not to just lose my head over all the drama that I had to plow through from several sides. I remember feeling… bubbly, a little shocked and a little exhilarated to find him right there. Then he had called and from there the domino stones had continued falling…

The dominos have continued kept falling and falling, and now we're married, living together with our four 'shared children' as I sometimes say, even if not all four of them are home all the time. There's one more child on its way now, one shared solely between the two of us alone and no one else, and I'm enjoying knowing it is his child growing inside me. I can't help but find it so dear to watch him interact with my belly sometimes, talking silly to it and poking back gently when he sees the surface of my belly ripple to indicate the baby's moving.

I always loved his humor, and Rick in general just adds something to my life. I wake with a smile on my face now, feeling safe, feeling loved. I used to believe that Jake was my soul mate and then when we separated, that if I could have been so mistaken about him for so long, that my soul mate must have died before I met him or something… Then Rick came into the picture, just when I was about to lose all hope. He changed my life, changed me, and made it better. The beginning was surely rough, but I'm happy with how the dominos of my life have fallen now, and how they've collided with Rick's somehow along the way.


End file.
